Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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