bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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