I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
