Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
