i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
