This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
