Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
