happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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