Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
