Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
