Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
