So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
