You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A bitchslap is in order.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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