You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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