I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
