I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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