had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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