I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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