i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
