he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
