dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
