i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
