Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
barbara walters just said penis...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
