Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
