Nicole vs. Life
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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