tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
