My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
