Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
