Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
