Someone shit on the floor
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
