I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
