After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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