the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
