i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
