I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
