Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
