I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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