Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
