"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
