it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
