what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
