I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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