i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
