did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
