i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
