I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
