Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
