i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
