you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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