if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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