So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
